On Deck

Deployments are hard, separations are hard. I never expected them not to be, but what I didn't give much thought to was preparing for them.

I got a crash course in this just before basic training. What stands out in my mind was when my husband started getting out of bed in his sleep to go sleep on the couch. He was starting to prepare mentally and separate from me/us emotionally. It was difficult to deal with, at a time when I wanted to cling to him for all the time he would miss, he wanted to pull away to make the separation easier. The day he left for boot camp was one of the most emotional, saddest days of my life. I never expected it to hit me that hard.

So when deployment #1 came about I braced for the worst......but it was difficult to think of it in itself since we had just moved overseas and had not even settled in yet when he was set to leave. There wasn't much time to prepare and agonize over what was going to happen. There was simply gone. I was a bit more seasoned at him being gone at that point and it wasn't so scary like the first time.

With deployment #2 looming we had a lot of time to think and prepare. I was apprehensive not so much to the deployment but to the before time. I'm wise enough now to know that deployments and separations start affecting a family and marriage well before the good bye takes place. Largely I think we might be getting the hang of this, or maybe just me as I'm the emotional one. I have moments but if I didn't have at least that something would be wrong. I'm not clinging so much anymore and he's not pulling away so hard.

As I saw other families start the deployment I can't help but feel that even though I dreaded it......it was time to join them, time to do our part again. There is something about knowing you're not the only one and knowing you aren't alone that makes it infinitely more bearable. Kinda like soldiers form a bond and get through it together, spouses do as well. Not quite the same, but more in understanding that when we pass each other in everyday life we are all quietly facing the same struggle. It feels like my place is with them and not so much my husband anymore. I guess I am more ready than I realize.

I never knew that waited for me that day he left for basic, had I known it might have been easier to bear, but then that's part of the learning process. If I didn't know what it was like to face a good bye alone perhaps I wouldn't be able to appreciate my sisters in arms so much now.

To those of you already started and those of you on deck, we have each other and that is enough to get through.